Thankful for Process

I received a B in my drawing midterm and to be honest, I was expecting an A- at the least. I put in hours of work and numerous moments of frustration. I made the images perfect, unwrinkled, smudge free, and overall—perfect. Being an all A student in high school, the letter “B” still gives me the shivers and leads me to question my abilities. When I read the notes as to why I was given the grade, I was even more aghast. My professors reasoning for the B? 

“Show more process. You’re focusing on the product instead of process.” 

So while this wasn’t the end of the world, I probably huffed and puffed to my car with my eyebrows scrunched and entirely perplexed on what the frick, “more process” could mean. Wouldn’t the point of art be the outcome? Isn’t that the reasoning? It bothered me. So I ended up going home, eating Ben & Jerry’s in my pjs playing Quiplash with my roommates, and forgetting all about the grade.

After my short lived pity party for myself, because at the end of the day, I don’t think it was really the grade that bothered me—I realized my professor was a teacher for a reason. She is one of my all time favorites of my time at UCF, and has already helped me improve my drawing skills immensely. Therefore, I realized it would probably be wise for me to listen.

So, from then on out, I simply focused on the process.

It’s ironic how quickly my drawings transformed. When I began to draw, I watched my hand move, I slowed my pace. I listened to my new favorite artists and albums. A complex variety of Labrinth, Coldplay, Whitney, Flume and Maggie Rogers. I processed emotions, I didn’t rush to the final product. I paced, I breathed, I listened. I let the experience encompass me instead of fixating on the end goal.

You can now probably see where this blog is about to lead…

In our life we get caught up in the end game. The outcome. The reason, the purpose. 

You’ve seen this message in multiple variations. So you know what I’m writing is true.

So to the person reading this, whether you are a student, mother, father, worker, or someone in need of reminder—here’s your refresher to not neglect the process.

Don’t think about the ending of your masterpiece. Don’t focus on perfection. The scratches, the mistakes, indents or smudges—make your final piece even more beautiful and unique than any perfect piece would ever. When you get frustrated, take a breath, take a step back, and look at the proportions. Is the figure in the right proportions? Are your areas of life balanced? Are you putting too much time into your work, or not enough time into your relationships?

We can’t focus so much on the outcome that we let the memorable moments pass in a blink of an eye.

Get your hands messy.

Laugh at the small things.

Eat foods that scare you, try something new and unknown.

Touch, feel, love others even when they don’t deserve it.

Listen to others intently, or sit in silence and recenter yourself. Stop allowing your everyday worries to drown out. You don’t have to figure out the ending of your masterpiece, it’s going to be beautiful if you allow yourself to enjoy it.

My professor, during our final drawing class, said words that were so simple yet profound, I wrote them down hastily in my notes. 
She said camly,

“Navigate life with more awareness. Don’t make work because of anything, make it in spite of everything.” 

So with that, I’m thankful for my incredible friends, my loving family, my professors who teach me lessons, and my adventures. But most importantly— thankful for the process. All my failures, my losses, and for the perseverance to continue when I don’t see a way to move forward.

My blessings in disguises, my people, my mistakes, my process.

Those experiences or lessons, have shaped me and carved me into who I am, and who I am becoming. The masterpiece I can wait to see, because I’m now too busy, enjoying the process of life. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

xx,

Shelby